A Pirate Walked Into A BAR

[mackmobile43]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in awhile. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg, you didn’t have that before.”

“Well” said the pirate, “We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball, but I’m fine now.”

The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really.”

“What about that eye patch?”

“Oh”, said the pirate, “One day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”

“You’re kidding”, said the bartender. “You couldn’t lose an eye just from bird shit.”



“It was my first day with the hook.”

 

[pro151]

 

[GLR]

good one

 

[KingCobra_CDX882]

Good one Indeed !!

 

[TonyV225]

LMAO!!! He has as much luck as Captrain Hook, Poor fella accidently took his own life.

HE GOT JOCK ITCH!!!

 

[mackmobile43]

LMAO!!! He has as much luck as Captrain Hook, Poor fella accidently took his own life.

HE GOT JOCK ITCH!!!

CROTCH ROT is a terrible thing

 

[Beetle]

It'd be even worse to be Mr. Smee, Hook's First Mate. Smee's new duty is to follow Hook to the head and wipe the Cap'n's posterior.

Yaarrrrrgh!:thumbdown:

 

[TonyV225]

LMA!!

 

[trailboss]

The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weasel to my the back of my berries."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Sergeant Major to drop 'em, which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the penis and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Sergeant Major calmly replied, "Vietnam."