Drugs.

[Slowmover]

It took me 6 mo of Al anon for me to finally (get it) and I was free from her mentally and I didn't look back.

Al-Anon never goes out of date. No graduation. From parents & grandprents who helped shape us, to those whom we think are the problem, we look at them all. The constant was me.

Its no piece of cake to know we are (or were) just as destructive as the alcoholic or drug addict.

.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas, I got some samo ol, same ol to rant about. I'm sure everyone is tired of reading about my problems, but if I can't vent once in awhile I feel like I'm going to explode! So I rant on here trying to hang on to what little sanity I have left. I'm 54 my wife is 59 and not in the best of shape, she's a lifelong smoker and it's obvious, she's needed shoulder surgery for several years but continues to put it off. Our adult kids are 39 and the daughter is 30, they both sleep until noon or so, hang around the house, neither one is interested in working a job no matter how easy it may be. They prefer to stay home and look at their phones, while we work. My wife always says I can't understand why they turned out like they have? They had the best home life of any of my brothers kid. Her brothers kids work and have their own lives. I have tried to explain, that ours don't need lives because she provides EVERYTHING for them, they pay for absolutely nothing, they bring absolutely nothing to our table while we accommodate their lifestyle. She won't even claim them as dependents at tax time, which frustrates me to no end. This is what happened Christmas day, my daughter goes out Christmas eve, I knew she wasn't coming home later because I've seen all of this for years, it pretty predictable. And of course Christmas morning she's no where to be found, she finally shows up about 1:30 pm after telling my wife that she doesn't have to be there just so you can open gifts ( hateful I might add ) Her son hasn't worked more than a month at a time in over ten years, and my daughter hasn't worked at all in at least 7 years. I keep telling my wife as long as we're a divided front nothing will ever change, I've watched this same thing play out with her mom and step dad. I've excepted this is the way my life will be as long as I want to stay with my wife, she's never going to stand up against her children no matter how bad they take advantage of us, and if I challenge the situation I'm the bad guy standing alone. I may sound like a horses behind, but I have warned my wife and kids that if something happens to her and she passes on before me, I'm not taking care of them, all things I'm paying for so they can continue their lifestyle will come to a stop immediately. And they are not living in my house. I'm taking care of me! I will no longer pay the price for their piss poor decisions that has led them to this lifestyle they have come to enjoy. Because I'm not really enjoying my lifestyle, but if I want to live with my wife which I do and love, I guess this is the way it will be until she passes on, then I'm only taking care of #1 and that's me!
Sorry I lay all this on y'all every few months, but if I don't vent somewhere I feel I'll go completely crazy, some will argue I've already gone there knowing how my life is already. Rant over, and again sorry I throw my problems at y'all.

 

[NightThumper]

G-Golly Wally,
It’s okay to rant and find an outlet for your frustrations, we all find different venues to vent. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has read these cathartic rants and shook my head as many times as you’ve posted them. First feeling your pain/frustrations, then offering support and or advice and then saying out loud or under my breath…DUMB ARSE!” Every one has a breaking point obviously you haven’t reach yours yet, although you wonder how smoking has affected your wife’s health, I wonder how all this has affected your health in ways that have yet to be physically manifested. Suffice it to say I would not be shocked to hear you suddenly up and died from a stroke or heart attack.

At some point Wally people who are empathetic to your plight will cease to be empathetic let alone sympathetic because of what appears to be a complacency on your part to willfully accept your situation. So if you accept it then I do as well. After all they’re not my problems and hey if you’re un-willing or un-motivated to do anything about them so am I. There’s no need for an intervention here since no body wants one. Heck even Dr. Phil would refuse this one…I’m reminded of the guy who was walking down the beach tossing star fish back into the sea. There were literally thousands of them. A person walked up and quibbled “you can’t save all of them.” To which as he picked up another one and said “but I can save this one” as he tossed it back into the ocean. Several here have offered sound advice for your situation…you seem to be one of those starfish but instead of staying in the ocean insist on coming back on the shore to die.

On one hand I admire your fortitude to stay with your wife and by default not throwing your two off-spring out of the house. On the other hand I’m saying out loud as I sit on the couch this morning “Dumb Arse.” I could say something profound like “Every man has a cross in life to bear, it looks like you’ve found yours.” OR I could say something snarky like “Looks like your retirement is going to be a real @#$%&.”

Here’s hoping the New Year is better but honestly I suspect it will be more of the same when it need not be.

PS: I think you should let your wife read all of your postings in this thread. In addition it would be interesting to hear from her how she views you in light of your parents marriage.

Brad

 

[G-Golly Wally]

G-Golly Wally,
It’s okay to rant and find an outlet for your frustrations, we all find different venues to vent. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has read these cathartic rants and shook my head as many times as you’ve posted them. First feeling your pain/frustrations, then offering support and or advice and then saying out loud or under my breath…DUMB ARSE!” Every one has a breaking point obviously you haven’t reach yours yet, although you wonder how smoking has affected your wife’s health, I wonder how all this has affected your health in ways that have yet to be physically manifested. Suffice it to say I would not be shocked to hear you suddenly up and died from a stroke or heart attack.

At some point Wally people who are empathetic to your plight will cease to be empathetic let alone sympathetic because of what appears to be a complacency on your part to willfully accept your situation. So if you accept it then I do as well. After all they’re not my problems and hey if you’re un-willing or un-motivated to do anything about them so am I. There’s no need for an intervention here since no body wants one. Heck even Dr. Phil would refuse this one…I’m reminded of the guy who was walking down the beach tossing star fish back into the sea. There were literally thousands of them. A person walked up and quibbled “you can’t save all of them.” To which as he picked up another one and said “but I can save this one” as he tossed it back into the ocean. Several here have offered sound advice for your situation…you seem to be one of those starfish but instead of staying in the ocean insist on coming back on the shore to die.

On one hand I admire your fortitude to stay with your wife and by default not throwing your two off-spring out of the house. On the other hand I’m saying out loud as I sit on the couch this morning “Dumb Arse.” I could say something profound like “Every man has a cross in life to bear, it looks like you’ve found yours.” OR I could say something snarky like “Looks like your retirement is going to be a real @#$%&.”

Here’s hoping the New Year is better but honestly I suspect it will be more of the same when it need not be.

PS: I think you should let your wife read all of your postings in this thread. In addition it would be interesting to hear from her how she views you in light of your parents marriage.

Brad

Everything you've said is exactly right! I've always said our life could be on the Dr Phil show, guess that's out of the question now, lol. But seriously you're assessment is 100% correct, and I myself have said many times what a Dumb Ares, as you say, and I know full well friends and family have said as much or worse. I don't really know how my wife viewed my parents, but they were pretty much a complete 180 from hers, so she probably thought they were crazy. My mother was awesome as I look back, but growing up I wasn't so sure, she would help you out once but if you took advantage of her after that, no more help. I appreciate your response Brad I know you're very experienced in these sort of matters, and you don't piss me off with you views, I shouldn't get pissed about the truth, right? I can tell you're tired of hearing about it, so I'm sure everyone else is also.
But once again thanks for a response and on a brighter note, it's a beautiful day here in Oklahoma, the wife and I may take the boat to the lake for a little while.
Hope you and yours have a happy new year.

 

[Eldorado828]

I've kept up with this thread as it's moved along and can sympathize because I too have family caught in the meth epidemic. It's a sad road for them but harder for the innocent bystanders. Just in the last couple of days we lost my youngest brother to the evil drug. They're calling it an overdose to possibly a drug laced with phentanol. Seems to be a common story and unfortunately becoming more common throughout the country. .
Makes no sense, loosen the borders to the flood of drugs and all else as if the problem wasn't bad enough. A nation wide crisis as it's evident by this thread.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

I've kept up with this thread as it's moved along and can sympathize because I too have family caught in the meth epidemic. It's a sad road for them but harder for the innocent bystanders. Just in the last couple of days we lost my youngest brother to the evil drug. They're calling it an overdose to possibly a drug laced with phentanol. Seems to be a common story and unfortunately becoming more common throughout the country. .
Makes no sense, loosen the borders to the flood of drugs and all else as if the problem wasn't bad enough. A nation wide crisis as it's evident by this thread.

Nation wide is right, in my travels with work from Oklahoma, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania drugs are a problem in every one of these states, it may not always be meth. Some it prescription pills, others it's heroine but illegal drugs are a problem everywhere I've worked and it doesn't discriminate.

 

[NightThumper]

I've kept up with this thread as it's moved along and can sympathize because I too have family caught in the meth epidemic. It's a sad road for them but harder for the innocent bystanders. Just in the last couple of days we lost my youngest brother to the evil drug. They're calling it an overdose to possibly a drug laced with phentanol. Seems to be a common story and unfortunately becoming more common throughout the country. .
Makes no sense, loosen the borders to the flood of drugs and all else as if the problem wasn't bad enough. A nation wide crisis as it's evident by this thread.

Ed my friend I have no words to express my sorrow at your loss! I wept as I read this and prayed for you and your family as well as G-Wally as I have many times. Such a tragedy and unfortunately one that will claim many more lives needlessly.

Yes this evil has touched my family as well lest anyone think I’m unsympathetic or naive. We were fortunate when my son was touched by this in the late 90’s and were able to take action quickly at the very beginning. Probably because of the Police bringing my son home after a bust and noticing the change in his behavior immediately and living in a small town in Iowa. I was so angry/upset/mad and literally besides myself with rage. (This thread brings back all those feeling/emotions washing over me again). I dealt with the source of the drugs directly on the cities basketball court and later solicited the help of some high school brawlers. Fortunately the dealer and his cronies backed away and learned the hard way my SON was off limits. That was followed up by counseling. Me and my son and had/have a close relationship and we made it through a hellish time.

My daughter required an intervention and was sent to live with me here in PA…again only after a police arrest would her mother release her into my custody.

Only by the grace of God did they over-come. Fortunately there was also something in their personalities that made a difference.

Then there’s my neighbor immersed in drugs for 10 plus years and has been clean almost 2 years now…unfortunately I think they could fall back into it at anytime if something in their world/support collapsed.

Stay strong Ed and Wally don’t grow weary in your fight.

Hey Wally if you’re ever passing through Pittsburgh area let me know and maybe we could grab something to eat or drink.

Brad

 

[NightThumper]

G-Wally,
Sure hope you got to take that nice boat ride on the lake! I miss those days with Mom and Step-Dad…nothing like seeing the deer crossing the lake early in the morning and the smell of Mom’s cooking on that boat and getting ready for our first ski of the day and hooking up with friends later on…oh and watching step dad cursing because he bent the prop hitting a submerged log and then dropping his wrench in the water as he worked to replace it…LOL. Good times for sure.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

G-Wally,
Sure hope you got to take that nice boat ride on the lake! I miss those days with Mom and Step-Dad…nothing like seeing the deer crossing the lake early in the morning and the smell of Mom’s cooking on that boat and getting ready for our first ski of the day and hooking up with friends later on…oh and watching step dad cursing because he bent the prop hitting a submerged log and then dropping his wrench in the water as he worked to replace it…LOL. Good times for sure.

I don't get into Pittsburgh to often, though you did say Pittsburgh area. I did drive through Pittsburgh on the way home a few months back. I can't see myself living there, it's to big and busy, but I have to say it's about the most unique city I've ever seen, to me it's like the entire city is stair stepped. That's a horrible description, I guess a better description is it's kinda in layers, a bottom a middle and a top layer. That's not much better of a description, but it's definitely different than anything I've seen before. And PA has some beautiful scenery, the winter months are a little cold for my taste though. The boat ride didn't come to be, the weather changed cooled off and got windy. It was still doable but the wife wasn't so sure, so we just made a trip into Stigler and did some shopping, it was still enjoyable.

 

[NightThumper]

OMG your description is spot on/hilarious. It takes a while to learn how to navigate the city. I tend to avoid it if possible, but with three major sports teams, cultural centers and waterfront make that difficult. PA does have beautiful scenery. It’s as though in recent years our winters haven’t been as severe.

That’s a big ole crap sandwich my friend about not getting out for the boat ride. I have some distance cousin’s in Eakly, OK which I think is due west from Stigler on the other side of Oklahoma City. Out there however they’re more likely to want to go Noodling than a boat ride…LOL

Enjoy the New Year and the offer stands if you’re ever in the vicinity of Pittsburgh.

Okay…speaking of windy and being out on the boat, I’ll never forget the time when my wife and I were out with my Dad on the boat in the Florida keys…in the Boggies when a storm came up making it impossible to see the bow of the boat and eye stinging rain on your face and in the eyes. My wife and I are in the stern while Dad is navigating back to the docks, when suddenly a strong gust blew…it lifted Dad’s toupee off the top of his head and he caught it with his hand just in the nick of time…we laughed so hard and never said a word to Dad who thought it had all gone un-noticed…LOL

 

[Crawdad]

I've kept up with this thread as it's moved along and can sympathize because I too have family caught in the meth epidemic. It's a sad road for them but harder for the innocent bystanders. Just in the last couple of days we lost my youngest brother to the evil drug. They're calling it an overdose to possibly a drug laced with phentanol. Seems to be a common story and unfortunately becoming more common throughout the country. .
Makes no sense, loosen the borders to the flood of drugs and all else as if the problem wasn't bad enough. A nation wide crisis as it's evident by this thread.

828,
My condolences to you sir, very sorry for your loss, at any time of year, but especially now.

my best 73

 

[Crawdad]

the entire city is stair stepped.

Hey Wally,
I've been to and thru PittsburgH and that description is spot-on.

73

 

[brandon7861]

This is a tough one. Reading through some of these replies brought back some heavy memories. I can agree with everyone that has said you need to hit rock bottom to be cured. My first drug habit was meth (and I loved it). Trouble was, my best friend was a skilled chemist messing with different methods and a free ounce was no huge favor. Eventually, I moved, and being too chicken to cook for myself, ran into a batch of stuff someone else made that had me jaundiced after my first bubble. I thought I was going to die. That ended my meth addiction. Then, I had a family member with a friend that owned a boat and glittering bricks of Peruvian were just as abundant as the meth was. Two weeks of making Scarface look like a fairy tale, cartilage was coming out of my nose, and a week of doing lines to make the pain in my nose from the last line disappear, I had the pleasure of feeling my pulse crawl to a stop as I hit the floor to get my legs up on the coffee table. I came to 15 minutes later to see my cat trying to get the electric fry pan lid lifted that covered the plate of coke on the kitchen table looking for his next lick. 2 ounces went straight in the toilet and I never looked back. Then I got a lead on prescription dexedrin (thinking "yay, clean safe speed") and soon found out how fast one builds a tolerance to that s*** (must be that missing methyl group) and those made me feel shittier than anything before it. I eventually settled on the "gateway drug" pot, and after losing all ambition and having memory trouble, it wasn't very hard to kick that. Nowadays, 3 mountain dew's give me heart arrhythmias that haunt me into the night. You really need to hit rock bottom health-wise and fear for your own life before being convinced to stop. You have to personally want to stop and that often takes meeting death face on.

The ONLY thing you can do is NOT support their habit, directly or indirectly. Don't bail them out of jail, don't let them live with you, don't borrow them money, don't buy their food. Do nothing for them and hope something happens that is scary enough to matter without killing them. Unfortunately, treatment in prison (at least in minnesota prisons) is nothing but a forced snitch contest where you get punished for not ruining someone else's day and they do nothing to actually help you quit. Every day you need to point out at least one thing that someone else did wrong or you do not continue in the program. They breed animosity toward the system (and each other) to guarantee recidivism... If the government cared, Naloxone would be free and drug offenses wouldn't result in a decade-long sentence keeping people afraid of seeking help. It's a trap from every angle and all you can do is hope they get close enough to death to touch it and run away on their own.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

I'm not 100% sure what's going on with my stepson, but I'm almost sure methamphetamine has a role in it. He got a Drilling job with Ensign Energy paying $40 an hour and worked two hitches, which is a month in oil field time. That's about as long as he's normally worked at a job in the last ten years. He supposedly left for his third hitch the same time I headed out for WV, we work the same schedule, anyway I returned home this past Wednesday and he should have been home before me ( shorter drive ) but he's been a no-show. My daughter told us during the last two weeks according to FB he's been in several different towns in Texas but none of them are where his rig is supposed to be. I'm pretty sure he got high the last week he was home because he was up all night "working on his truck" in my shop. He did call his mom saying he got pulled over and was going to be arrested at some point last week, but my daughter said he was on FB just hours after he had called his mom. I figure he was trying to play on her feelings so she would send him "bail money" but she refused to send money and haven't seen or heard from him since. I told my wife that I've ran out of patience and she claims she has too, you can't help someone who won't help them self. Like he's always posting on FB nothing changes if you don't make changes. I told my wife this has been a repeating cycle for the last ten years and I'm done playing this game, so I'm ready to make some changes even if I'm the only one willing to make them. I told her I do love Dustin but I can't stand to be around him if that makes any sense. I do worry about his well-being, but I can't live always being worried about him robbing us blind and taking advantage of us at every opportunity, he's a 40 yr old man and I don't feel I should be taking care of him. I told her we're both breaking down physically, (she just had shoulder surgery today) and everything that's been done to help him hasn't done one bit of good. Like Night Thumper said I'm going to have a stroke if I don't get some distance from him, so I told her I feel for the sake of my physical and mental well-being I don't think he needs to live under our roof any longer. So whenever he decides to show up it's either going the way I hope, or it's going to go down the road I don't want to go down. But I calmly told her without cussing and throwing a fit that I've run out of patience and something needs to change because I can't play this game anymore, we have more years behind us than what we have in front of us. We shouldn't have to put ourselves in a bind because of his bad decisions those are his bad decisions not ours.

 

[S&W357]

Good decision making. I’ve got a nephew the same way. In his early forties now.

Graduated from college with four year degree and shortly afterwards started going bad.

He lived with a girl that was also addicted. She is in and out of jail these days and did a few years in prison.

They had a daughter that was in constant trouble in school. She’s been a druggy now for years and lives in the NC mountains in a shack with other meth heads. The place is actually known by locals as Meth Hill.

Nephews brain is fried. He rides around picking up scrap metal to recycle. Probably steals Cat- Converters as well.