Today was a bad day for me that just got worse. Today is the 10’th anniversary of the Swiss Air Flight 111 disaster that occurred in the water’s of Saint Margaret’s Bay off the east coast of Nova Scotia. The MD-11 aircraft suffered a total loss of flight control as a result of a cabin fire shorting out the avionics and flight control systems. The aircraft rolled over into an inverted nose dive and impacted the water at a speed of 400 mph killing all 229 people on board. The aircraft was reduced to over two million pieces. Only six bodies were recovered intact, the others were torn to shreds. My wife was put on emergency standby as she is a nurse at the local hospital but it became clear after a few hours that hospital services would not be needed. This was to be a recovery mission, not a rescue operation. At the time, I was an auxiliary RCMP officer and was called upon to attend the crash scene. Local ground search and rescue teams were also called upon to scour the beaches and water looking for aircraft pieces and human remains. One such team member was a friend of mine, Tony. I first really got to know Tony about 28 years ago when I was working at the local paper mill as a student. Our families knew each other for years. Several years later after I got married I built a house across the road from Tony. Several years later he and his wife divorced and he moved to the next town. I met up with him again on the beach at Bayswater while we were doing what we had to do.
Those days that followed were enough to break even the strongest heart and I cannot even begin to tell you about the sights and smells that were present everywhere along a normally pristine stretch of white sand beach. When the event was finally over we were all provided with counseling and the vast majority accepted it. Tony however refused saying he did not need it. As the years went by Tony became more and more withdrawn and at one point became almost zombie like and in a trance. He even became incontinent of his own waste for a period of time. He eventually snapped out of it but was never the same. Looking into his eyes was like looking into those of a shark, dark and lifeless looking This morning his sister found him hanging from the upstairs railing in his house. He committed suicide. On his shirt was a simple note with two dates March 17 1961-his birth date and Sept.2,1998,the date of the crash. Tony must have figured that was when he really died, ten years ago..
Since that day ten years ago we have all been fighting our own demons. I myself still get physically sick to my stomach whenever I smell kerosene. Apparently it is a involuntary reaction to the smell of commercial aviation fuel (kerosene) and all the memories that my subconscious brings up. About once or twice a year I wake up in the middle of the night soaked with sweat and teary eyed, sometimes even yelling out. I am still fighting my demons but I AM winning. Tony chose not to fight his and they won. I refuse to let that happen to me. I could not stand to go to the beach near Peggy’s Cove or Bayswater for a few years after the crash but now we go at least once a year. Across the road from the beach at Bayswater is a memorial to the crash victims. It is a granite wall with the victims names inscribed in the stone. It is set back off the road in a slightly wooded area overlooking the water. Whenever we go there I always make a point to visit that site in private to pay my respects. That site is also the site of a mass grave for the unidentified remains of the victims. My wife and two boys understand what happened there and why I feel the need to be alone for a while there. It helps in the long term even if it hurts in the short term.
Tony suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and it killed him. It took ten years to do it. If any of you have even a mild case of PTSD seek help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does NOT mean you are weak. It just may save your life.
God bless you Tony and may you finally rest in peace.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swissair_Flight_111
http://www.ns1763.ca/hfxrm/swisswhale.html
http://www.ns1763.ca/lunenco/swissbaysw.html
Those days that followed were enough to break even the strongest heart and I cannot even begin to tell you about the sights and smells that were present everywhere along a normally pristine stretch of white sand beach. When the event was finally over we were all provided with counseling and the vast majority accepted it. Tony however refused saying he did not need it. As the years went by Tony became more and more withdrawn and at one point became almost zombie like and in a trance. He even became incontinent of his own waste for a period of time. He eventually snapped out of it but was never the same. Looking into his eyes was like looking into those of a shark, dark and lifeless looking This morning his sister found him hanging from the upstairs railing in his house. He committed suicide. On his shirt was a simple note with two dates March 17 1961-his birth date and Sept.2,1998,the date of the crash. Tony must have figured that was when he really died, ten years ago..
Since that day ten years ago we have all been fighting our own demons. I myself still get physically sick to my stomach whenever I smell kerosene. Apparently it is a involuntary reaction to the smell of commercial aviation fuel (kerosene) and all the memories that my subconscious brings up. About once or twice a year I wake up in the middle of the night soaked with sweat and teary eyed, sometimes even yelling out. I am still fighting my demons but I AM winning. Tony chose not to fight his and they won. I refuse to let that happen to me. I could not stand to go to the beach near Peggy’s Cove or Bayswater for a few years after the crash but now we go at least once a year. Across the road from the beach at Bayswater is a memorial to the crash victims. It is a granite wall with the victims names inscribed in the stone. It is set back off the road in a slightly wooded area overlooking the water. Whenever we go there I always make a point to visit that site in private to pay my respects. That site is also the site of a mass grave for the unidentified remains of the victims. My wife and two boys understand what happened there and why I feel the need to be alone for a while there. It helps in the long term even if it hurts in the short term.
Tony suffered from post traumatic stress disorder and it killed him. It took ten years to do it. If any of you have even a mild case of PTSD seek help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does NOT mean you are weak. It just may save your life.
God bless you Tony and may you finally rest in peace.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swissair_Flight_111
http://www.ns1763.ca/hfxrm/swisswhale.html
http://www.ns1763.ca/lunenco/swissbaysw.html
