Drugs.

[Tom Line]

Stay away from manipulators. Playing their game is not helping anybody. In fact it hurts others in the family. Jails are full of them. Let them find others to victimize.

 

[brandon7861]

So whenever he decides to show up it's either going the way I hope, or it's going to go down the road I don't want to go down.

That's where your mistake is, giving him the opportunity to lie about wanting to change and potentially letting him stay. You should put his stuff outside and tell him to come get it. Then, he will have a decision, spend his money on meth or spend it on saving his belongings from the trash. Giving him an ultimatum will not work. Make the tough decision.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

Giving him an ultimatum will not work. Make the tough decision.

I'm not giving him the ultimatum, I already know his answer, it will be what he thinks I want to hear with no truth behind it. I'm going to ask my wife to make the decision if she wants to continue this game he's been playing for years or send him on his way. Him or me so to speak, if she chooses him then they're going to have to play it without me. I'm tired of being frustrated and angry in my own house, when I'm more relaxed and comfortable at work than I am at my own house something needs to change. Before we ever got married she told me never make me choose between him or you, the lies and stealing started over 20 years ago and has progressed into lies, stealing and drug use. I've been more than patient but my patience has run out, so that's what it looks like it's coming down to, him or me.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

Well he finally called momma today needing $500 for bail, got pulled over in Paris Texas and had a glass pipe on him, so that's another job he's lost because he can't stay away from meth. I told her when he gets home you're going to tell him to pack his Sh!+ and go on. I don't want him here anymore all he does is use us for a crutch, we'll see what happens from here but I'm dead serious I'm done with this.

 

[NightThumper]

Oh Wally sir I applaud your mind set but this merry go round is not over. Someone gave him bail money so the two of you aren’t working in harmony or you would have let his arse stay in lock up. Telling him to pack his belongings is a much more aggressive step than $500 bail money. It’s a conversation that you’re all too familiar with and your love for your spouse is greater than your fortitude. You’re so scared Sh$%less of DIVORCE to do anything which unfortunately makes you an enabler as well. I apologize for being negative but there isn’t anything about this situation that’s going to change. At this stage with a 40 year old addict more red lines have been crossed than the Syrians with Obama. Yes I still pray for you daily why because I like to spit in the wind??? No, I do it because I believe in it’s profound power. Will removing him from the house change him…probably not it will only give you a pseudo relief and exacerbate your relationship with your wife until it’s untenable. The only happy outcome would be for him to genuine change or at lease you and your wife agreeing on a course of action that you can believe is best for him and good for you and your wife.

I went to my daughters wedding two weeks ago at Pinnacle Mountain in Arkansas. Ironically 20 years later after leaving that mess my EX is still an enabler/manipulator/liar with my three adult children even my current wife noticed it.

Your situation reminds me of this verse…”….this kind can only come forth through prayer and fasting.”

Your Friend
Brad

 

[Crawdad]

Wally,
Your wife has already made her choice and it doesn't seem to be you and her and your future together. If it did the deadbeat addict would not be calling Mommy for help yet again. She would have told him to piss off long before now.
You have a choice to make, either stand up for you or continue to be a doormat.
I wish you the very best and pray for your situation to be resolved in your favor. But at the end of the day, only you can make that happen.

Best 73 sir

 

[NightThumper]

Well by this time many of you have surmised my background. Let me share Wally a real life situation.

Once upon a time long ago a couple came to my office seeking professional help in very much the same situation as yours. We met weekly for nearly a year and nothing ever changed permanently. Oh there were some bright spots and just when I thought we were making headway things blew up with another situation regarding the son or some variation there of. On this particular day I had what I thought was an epiphany and decided on a new course of action. Going for broke so to speak.

So the day of their appointment arrived. They sat down expecting more of the same when i eased forward and said “we’re going to do something new today.” Their eyes were filled with excitement. I said for a year I’ve listened to your situation offering advice. Today I’m going to give you my honest assessment of what’s going on. So i turned to the husband and said you enjoy being a Martyr. It gives you satisfaction and you wear it as a badge of honor. The look on his face was priceless. Then I pivoted to his wife. You’ve never allowed your husband to fulfill your needs and your son is filling that need. You thrive on being needed and coming to his rescue. What would you do if you were no longer needed? About this time i could tell they didn’t appreciate my new approach. So i stood up and said this will be our last session together. Until this dynamic is recognized there’s nothing more i can do. They never did change and lived their lives in constant turmoil.

On that note the Doctor is out for the day.

 

[G-Golly Wally]

Well, gess who got on the website and read this thread. Doesn't surprise me, he's always snooping around. He's all pissed off with what he read, o well I didn't post anything that wasn't true, so I'm good!

 

[W4KVW]

Very OT...but something plaguing me.

Has anyone had to deal with a loved one hooked on drugs?

It’s been a while now, and things have come to a head. I have little faith in the resources available. Don’t know what to do.

YES,I had a Nephew/Step Brother who died from an overdose of Molly in my Mothers bathroom.He had been in jail several times & almost bankrupted my Mother who kept bailing him out of jail.He kept promising her that he would never do drugs again & now he's no longer doing drugs.He had just turned 33 & 11 months later my mother died from the pain of losing him & her finding him Dead in the bathroom floor.The person on drugs must have the true desire to kick the habit just like with any form of addiction it takes desire.I was a State Law Enforcement Officer for 30 years here in Florida & I saw many who only kicked the habit when it finally killed them.

SIX-SHOOTER
W4KVW

 

[Eldorado828]

YES,I had a Nephew/Step Brother who died from an overdose of Molly in my Mothers bathroom.He had been in jail several times & almost bankrupted my Mother who kept bailing him out of jail.He kept promising her that he would never do drugs again & now he's no longer doing drugs.He had just turned 33 & 11 months later my mother died from the pain of losing him & her finding him Dead in the bathroom floor.The person on drugs must have the true desire to kick the habit just like with any form of addiction it takes desire.I was a State Law Enforcement Officer for 30 years here in Florida & I saw many who only kicked the habit when it finally killed them.

SIX-SHOOTER
W4KVW

You can't by no means whatsoever help someone who doesn't genuinely want to help themselves. That's just the reality of it.

 

[Enterprise312ok]

Well, gess who got on the website and read this thread. Doesn't surprise me, he's always snooping around. He's all pissed off with what he read, o well I didn't post anything that wasn't true, so I'm good!

I have a run down trailer house on a lot in quinton you can send them too Wally, walking distance from dollar store sign them up for foodstamps and get em out of your hair.

 

[Jestixty]

One of my friends got hooked really hard on LSD and then switched to heroin. I think I did all that I could to help him escape, but it was partially his decision not to. It’s painful to think this way, but it’s true. He escaped from rehab more than three times and clearly didn’t regret him becoming an addict.
We all tried to talk to him and convince him to change his life, but it was all in vain… I also smoke some weed from https://online-dispensary.co/weed-marijuana-concentrates/buy-hash-online occasionally, but I would never try LSD and heroin because it’s a sure way to death. There’s almost no comeback from heroin addiction.

 

[Keto]

What a tough topic.

 

[Alabama Buckeye]

"...but it was partially his decision not to..."
It's entirely his decision!
You could set him up in a million dollar mansion without a care for anything, and it's still his decision.
The drugs are an escape! From what is the question?

 

[Eldorado828]

"...but it was partially his decision not to..."
It's entirely his decision!
You could set him up in a million dollar mansion without a care for anything, and it's still his decision.
The drugs are an escape! From what is the question?

That's as true as it can be right there. It's a bandaid, just something to deaden the real injury. What that is will be different from person to person, but most will be similar by means that it's some kind of trauma. Prescription drugs won't cure it either....