Drugs.

[NightThumper]

Mr. GG Wally everything you’ve stated is pretty much text book with a few slight variations here and there. He also knows Mom will never choose you over him and may have even said to you…”you’re not my dad.” I watched my Mom come to the same point you’re at. She finally left him (when his daughter said “your not my mother) and was better off. I came to that point nearly 20 years ago after 22 yrs of marriage…and they were all my children with her. She never saw herself as an enabler…there was no rescuing. Finally when the drugs got bad my EX sent her to me and even requested the courts drop my child support so I could try and help her. My daughter lasted 9 months with me when I sent her packing. Yes she was driving a wedge between me and my quote new wife which I wasn’t going to allow to happen. Mom wouldn’t take her back but her sister and husband did. They laid down the law and said you didn’t make it with Dad, this is your last stop. She was just 18 or 19 at that point. For years she didn’t speak to me but now has her own house, works for an attorney and doing quite well. I’m very proud of her and the woman she now is at 30. Well enough of my background.

You’re ground work was laid from the moment your wife said to you “Don’t ever make me choose between you and him.” Thirty-four years of marriage is a lot to just cast aside. You and the wife need professional help. Trust me when I say to you, “there’s nothing you can say that will change your wife’s patterned behavior.” She doesn’t listen to you and it will take an complete stranger/outsider who she views as neutral. Again trust me when I tell you that your wife resents you going off on her son. At 38 yrs it’s past time for the quote “apron strings” to have been cut. The love between spouses should be strong than that for our children….because the best gift we can ever give to our children is for them to see the love we share with each other. Unfortunately your wife is disrespecting you by allowing his behavior to continue and to allow her son to abuse you, your hard labor and things you provide. Having said that…I doubt you are without blame/faults starting with your temper sir so tone it down or just call it quits and move on. Oh if you wondering…I’ve done lots of counseling in my time and have a minor in psychology. If I’ve offended you, made you wince or say ouch…I’ve done my job.

 

[NightThumper]

GG Wally. I truly do feel your pain and sincerely hope/pray you’re able to work this out and the expression “This too shall pass” is something you’re able to say. Take care good sir and seek the necessary assistance you need!

Brad

 

[G GOLLY WAlly]

Yeah I've done things wrong, jealousy when I was younger, now it's just resentment towards him. And I do have a temper even if it may take months or even years for it to show up. And I fully expect him to still be at my house when I get home, I'm sure life's going on as normal since I've been at work, and nothing has changed. I can't really say I was offended or anything else by your reply, I don't really know what to feel or to do, I just feel defeated and helpless I guess. but I do love my wife and I know she loves me, I just want a normal home life where we're not raising grownups.

 

[Slowmover]

My original post I wrote what I could. To add to it is to say that There (where we want to be), and Here (where we are) aren’t far apart.

But they’re not on the same spiritual plane.

The biggest part of the journey is in re-tracing our own steps to finally arrive at a different understanding of what is spirit. The irony is that we use the same words but now they have different meanings — to us — behind them.

What “the bad person” does or doesn’t do isn’t part of this. But as we change so does ALL that is around us. What we perceive is different.

Rules are necessary, . . . but much, much more is on the plate.

 

[freecell]

pharmacy (n.)

from greek pharmakeia "use of drugs, medicines, potions or spells; poisoning, witchcraft, remedy, cure," from pharmakeus (fem pharmakis) "preparer of drugs, poisoner, sorcerer" from pharmakon "drug, poison, philter, charm. spell, enchantment." meaning "use or administration of drugs" is attested from c.1400, that of "place where drugs are prepared and dispensed" is first recorded 1833.

"and the light of a candle shall shine no more at all in thee; and the voice of the bridegroom and the bride shall be heard no more at all in thee: for thy merchants were the great men of the earth; for by thy SORCERIES WERE ALL NATIONS DECEIVED."

revelation 18:23

if you truly believe that drugs are not an enemy then you have been deceived.
http://ernestlmartin.com/images/Pharmacy, Drugs, Sorcery, IG Farbin.pdf

 

[G GOLLY WAlly]

Same old shit, different day. Pretty much sums it up. When you're a nice guy you just get taken advantage of, spouse, kids, strangers, it doesn't matter!!

 

[NightThumper]

GG WAlly, I feel your pain, anguish, frustration etc…. It didn’t take a day to get to where you’re at and a day won’t change anything. So at this point simply put one foot in front of the other. Now if I might make a suggestion it would be to pick one thing to change about yourself. It can be something you’ve heard repeatedly from your spouse or kids or something you decide. Pick that one thing about yourself you want to change and then set about doing it. This isn’t for an hour, day, weeks or month. This is something permanent to change about yourself. We focus on ourself because rarely can we effect a change in someone else. Spouses and kids are reacting to our behavior. So pick one thing, doesn’t have to be earth shattering and don’t go telling others what it is. Then see if anything changes for you…personally or dynamically with the family.

I rarely ever in counseling suggested divorce. That being said your well being can’t be neglected and sometimes the only option is to walk away from a bad situation…YES I did that and couldn’t believe the happiness I experienced. The process of doing so caused excruciating pain for all parties involved…in the end…years later everyone is mentally/emotionally in a far better place.

You still need professional counseling for your situation.

Brad

 

[NightThumper]

GG WAlly may this find you enjoying the 4th of July and relaxing. Here are a couple of random observations/statements:

1. A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still. This goes for all parties involved.
2. The Chinese believe that anytime a person in an argument raises their voice they have already lost the argument . Years ago I learned that I didn’t have to raise my voice or use profanity to get my point across. That lesson has and
continues to serve me well. Reminds me of the janitor who found the preachers sermon notes. Scribbled in
the margin were the words…”Weak point, yell louder.”
3. I’m sure you’re familiar will the “Stages of Death and Dying.” If not I’m sure you familiar with stages people
go through in grief. Over years of counseling I’ve come to recognize in couples that come in to quote “save their
marriage” the more they say or empathically state they don’t want a divorce or profusely declare their un-dying
love for each other the closer they are in fact to divorcing and the thought of doing so is frequent. It’s like a
stage in the death of a marriage.
4. Drugs or a drug user in the house is unacceptable period! The only exception is if their getting help, not just
seeking help. Seeking help is a tool used by the user to prolong doing anything. Drug use is not easily
overcome without outside assistance. It’s often times a vicious cycle of ups and downs… one step forward
two step backwards.
5. I suggested/believe that professional help is needed in your situation. If you have not begun that process you’re
not serious about resolving the situation. If not family counseling at least for yourself.

May you find success…you are in my prayers/thoughts. Rise up, seize the moment, set your face like flint to the wind and win this thing!

 

[G GOLLY WAlly]

Well, I enjoyed the forth working, if you want to call it enjoyable. I've taken some of your advice and picked something out to work on about myself. The few days I've been home have been a pleasant surprise, no arguing, nothing got broken or taken to the pawnshop while I was at work. She threatened to leave me last time I was home, and instead of my usual pleading her to stay like in the past, I just told her that If she wanted to leave then she could leave, and be sure and take her son with her, since its pretty obvious he's the number one man in your life, and that i didn't have time to argue over whatever they were going to do. don't know if that was the correct thing to do, but I've seen better results than I expected for some reason? I also thought about what my mother would say, You can worry yourself sick over what someone might do, and it won't change the fact that their gonna do whatever it is they want to do, the only one you can worry about and change the course of their actions, is yourself. Anyway things are going well for now, hopefully they keep improving.

 

[144inBama]

She threatened to leave me last time I was home, and instead of my usual pleading her to stay like in the past, I just told her that If she wanted to leave then she could leave, and be sure and take her son with her.

That was indeed the correct thing to say. She now knows you've reached the breaking point and her emotional manipulation no longer has the control as before. She was counting on your weakness and now that you've moved pass it, she doesn't know what to do. Hopefully she's not like my ex and just finds another angle to work.

 

[Slowmover]

They don’t give in. They double down. Expect to have a bluff called.

 

[Crawdad]

God bless you Wally,
You've taken the path to resolve the issue one way or the other. Time for her to make a choice. It may not be resolved the way you that you would desire but it can't continue the way it is. You don't deserve that. Stick to your guns however much it hurts. It's the only path to peace.

Warms my heart to see the way the members here have jumped in to help out. There's some damned good folks here.......

Best 73

 

[G-Golly Wally]

Well I think my step son has jumped off the wagon again, he seemed to be doing better got a job at Nabors drilling and I thought maybe he's actually going to get it together. That was short lived, he quit the job 3 days after starting and hasn't shown his face around her for three weeks. He finally made contact with his mother 3 days ago to convince her to get 50 dollars to him so he could get home, well he's been a no show. He's doing the usual routine when he's on meth, avoiding us unless he needs something. I figure he'll show up a day or two after I return to work, and then blame everyone under the sun for his latest stupid decision. he's been on and off that crap for almost 20 years, I figure it's gonna kill him before he ever quits and he refuses to get help, claims he can quit on his own, Doesn't seem to be working. And if the meth doesn't kill him someone else probably will. It just seems to be a never ending cycle.

 

[Rwb]

Well I think my step son has jumped off the wagon again, he seemed to be doing better got a job at Nabors drilling and I thought maybe he's actually going to get it together. That was short lived, he quit the job 3 days after starting and hasn't shown his face around her for three weeks. He finally made contact with his mother 3 days ago to convince her to get 50 dollars to him so he could get home, well he's been a no show. He's doing the usual routine when he's on meth, avoiding us unless he needs something. I figure he'll show up a day or two after I return to work, and then blame everyone under the sun for his latest stupid decision. he's been on and off that crap for almost 20 years, I figure it's gonna kill him before he ever quits and he refuses to get help, claims he can quit on his own, Doesn't seem to be working. And if the meth doesn't kill him someone else probably will. It just seems to be a never ending cycle.

that crap ruined many familys in many ways, wally i feel for you n your family as well as any other family suffering with that huge drug demon

 

[r carl]

It took me 6 mo of Al anon for me to finally (get it) and I was free from her mentally and I didn't look back.